Residents of Los Santos mourn the loss of local actor, influencer, and friend… Johnny California. He was tragically attacked outside of the local famous bowling alley, DickBall, by a masked man with a voice changer. The suspect called California from within the bowling alley and the victim claimed he had an ‘Amazon package’ to receive outside. This reporter then followed California outside to witness the attack. Before the attack, he referred to the masked individual as ‘Jeff Bezos’… Dickfeed has reason to believe that this was not multi-billionaire, Jeff Bezos. The bastard warned witnesses back with his knife, as he carved the number 5 into his chest before fleeing the scene.
He was rushed to Pillbox hospital by local hero, Dick Richards. Doctor Cody Pendant did all he could to save California, however, he succumbed to his injuries due to a severe loss of blood. His dying wish was for his death to be live-streamed for all his millions of followers to witness and for Dick Richards to bury him. Local skin inspector, Alfred, attempted to steal California’s skin at the morgue before this reporter intervened, only adding to the list of selfless acts Dick Richards has performed over these past weeks. He was later buried at the Los Santos graveyard, sent off with salutes, this country’s great national anthem, and 21 gunshots. Plus one extra just in case he came back from the dead… just been having a few weird dreams. Speaking of, this reporter had a final send-off from California with a phone call from beyond the grave. His final words were that endorsed Dickball, a famous California approval that many local businesses would desperately seek during his time in this great city, including UWU Cat Cafe, Jaywalking News, and Burgershot.
If anyone has any information about this attack, please contact Dick Richards at Dickball or get in touch with the team at Dickfeed. Johnny California’s famous bat has some last words to share with whoever the masked coward happens to be…
